let’s take a step back–Bey’s slated appearance alongside Chris Martin and C-play at this weekend’s Super Bowl Halftime Show will be her 2nd, having already shut down television and reversed time to stage a Destiny’s Child reunion back in 2013. So the part of the show you’re excited about is already reheated beans. And the current rumor that Bruno Mars will also be joining the halftime fun adds another layer to make a three-bean salad of already-saw-that with wouldn’t-have-been-my-first-choice. Ratings might be high, but the streets aren’t messing with this one.
In the past (remember the past?) the NFL Super Bowl Halftime Show was even more engaging than the actual football game. With legends such as Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston in the pantheon of previous experiences, the 2016 NFL Super Bowl Halftime Show is not looking like not so super by comparison. Most of all this three-headed pop monster seems to suggest that the NFL has already run through ALL the current artists out there who are big enough to command America’s attention for 11 minutes, which is just not true.
It’s as easy to sit on the sidelines and “meh” on somebody’s else musical taste as it is to Monday-morning quarterback your way to imagined victory. So we decided to hold ourselves to the time-honored standard of de-hateration ie we know what you’re not here for…but what are you FOR? And you know what? We didn’t even have to strain our armchairs to come up with a whole Fantasy Football league of headliners we’d be ready to shake a pom-pom for. Without further pre-gaming, these are the 10 Super Bowl Halftime Shows that we’d rather see than Beyoncé x Coldplay.
Truth be told, Coldplay and Beyoncé might not be the bee’s knees only because there is an undeniable stank bubbling beneath the brook. Seeing Doctor Funkenstein and his merry band of intergalactic musicians grace the stage would be an out-of-this-world experience. Add to the mix, Kendrick Lamar, as a very important and special guest and you have the makings of must-see, original television.